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记念白石日和君 — 视此虽近, 邈若山河.
念白石日和君(Hiyori Shiraishi)(原) 我已然忘记在何时何地以及如何得知白石日和退出AV界的确实消息,但此后想来总是惘然。甚至面对苍白的屏幕时竟觉得手足无措。我所忧伤的并非是为了白石以后的生计和命运,而是想到除去白石洁白的身体,在我的生活中还剩下些什么能让我这么,这么的痴迷。樱田和兰兰好象去了台湾,为了谋求更好的事业,可对我来说她们只是青春期的某种出口,一种阴郁的,有关性的幻觉。如今我并不想做这样轻松的勃起[然而做了]。白石与她们不同在于我一个人观赏白石的作品时,常常心碎。(要知道当你没有欲望时,裸泳的RINA看上去就像只臭蛤蟆。但白石带来的心碎感几乎于性欲无关)它从胸口开始,顺势到腹部,上溯到头脑。白石的低吟让我无法自已。她在说些什么?我不知道。在白石的一部作品中,她坐在地上露出纯净柔软的乳房,安静的接受着二十多个男人精液的倾洒。她只轻声说些什么,白石特有的并不发嗲的安祥嗓音。她只轻声说些什么。我宁愿她对我念上一首俳句。或者,是"醒了吗""子兮子兮,如此良人何""红楼隔雨相望冷,珠箔飘灯独自归"之类的闲语雅辞。和她黛色的眼眶,朱色的双唇。她大概忘了身处何地也不知归处。偶尔的笑显出温暖的妩媚,像个坐在百花丛里等待照相的爱美的小姑娘。她在对面叹了口气。白石透明的乳房上沾满了精液,这些白花花的精液闪耀着奇异的光芒,也并不都是那么真诚。我以为剧中人物们并无"浪谑笑敖,中心是悼"的情感,于是自伤故哀而。公孙龙说白石可二不可一,屏幕中的人尽可夫确无可驳辩。或刺之曰淫娃荡妇,这于我无谓,我只是依然观看着,叹息着,思念着。不论怎样,一种并非剧烈的痛楚缓慢的在心中沉稳的翻腾。好像我站在夜晚的海边所感受到的一样。如斯状貌的好女清澈的眼神引诱着我陷入回忆。如同你在精疲力竭时坐下倾听一首凄美的歌曲。当她同时和两个男人性交时,甜蜜的心碎开始了。
可是毕竟我忧伤的白石不再回来了,她也会有丈夫和家庭。天气转暖,再过两个月就会有杂花生树群莺乱飞的美景了吧?能够借此找到另一种生活的趣味?在这两个月中,月缺而圆且无法避免,我又能面对堆案盈几的人间机故如之奈何?藏身与一栋靠近马路的小楼里,兀然而醉慌尔而醒。当两个月弹指逝去竟又会不知此夕何夕吧。那时的白石幸福的粘粘的笑着,笑的含糊不清就像我以前的一个女友,就像她在作品中笑的那样,轻巧的微露出瓠樨般的虎牙。我见不到了。物是人非的嘘叹也无从得来,因为一如往常的茕茕孑立。四时行焉,物换星移,妄想打开门窗透入熟悉的气味又怎么能够做到?在我坠入难以摆脱的梦境时,在我睁开双眼时,在我回家的小路上月光周转或明忽暗时,逝者如斯。那只来自孤岛的婉顺濡滑的小妖精用黑色风衣裹起身体渐行渐远,直到被鲜廉寡耻的人群和时间狠狠吞没。如同华亭的鹤唳,东门的狡兔,她的一颦一笑也被带走不可复得,剩下贫瘠的影像保存于冰冷的机器中,作为白石的馈赠。相区别与另一位我所喜爱的姑娘高树玛利亚,那几乎没有任何施暴虐待的段落。假如我真的是萨德侯爵,我会对她下手吗?她悄声问我"是吗?""真的?"屏幕中佼美柔顺的白石或屏息屏气,或鼻口两张,或身直目眠,或尻动侧摇,或伸其两秕,或交其两股,或两手抱人两脚拘男,或张腹身纵乳坚鼻汗。这就是我的青春,以我无瑕的白石作为代价。她黑白分明的眼睛一直望着我,叮嘱我,是吗?一张永远无法辨认的视力表恰到好处的摆在我面前三米处,伴随着灯光,青花,双一,墙上百无禁忌四个大字,和从书中走出的尸体,和藏在文字或剧终里的迷雾。然后是白石意义暧昧的嗓音。仰起头把脖子扭断就能发现鸟语花香的世界?这不如吃饭,欠帐,透过肮脏的镜子窥视变了形的臭脸更痛快,不如撬开门打开柜子拎出一小袋酱鸭,不如脱下内裤摆在床上打牌,不如学习,上课,听课,记笔记,考试,考试作弊,考试作弊被抓到,抓到之后被活活打死在办公室,尸体绞碎和在水泥里筑成一个精致的厕所坑位。可这一切都不如白石的影像,不如当白石的影像成为主旋律时的一种下流生活。你可以想象,两年前我在阴雨天作别了一大片美丽的幻景。就在两幢小楼的缝隙里告别,在一顶小伞下。我怀着一生中恐怕再也无法寻求到的愉悦顶峰走进阴影。空气成为粘乎乎的灰蓝色液体不断包容着我,恨不得用尽气力溺死我。它让我别再挂念什么罪恶,像一只捧着蛋糕的老鼠脸上的笑容。一边呈现出暗黑色的天空倾斜下去。岁月如同沙漏中的一大块石子滚动着旋即卡在下水道里。吻的记忆,飞的无名鸟,被阉了的公狗围绕着准白发和假牙螺旋状的流到底端。颓丧化身为一团粉红的棉花糖不依不挠的粘在我懒洋洋的嘴上。没有滋味如同咀嚼着一把瓜子皮。但此时的悲剧气氛消失了。除了平平整整的眉毛和嘴角,风过后还会来场雨,雨过后可以坐在操坪上唱首歌什么的。或者试着呼喊几个姓名。但所谓的往事已经没了。往事是个荒谬的集会,即使不那么可憎。二十年来纵无幸福时时激荡在心胸,理应不会悲伤。可为什么总是难以快乐?孟子三乐,我得其二;荣启期三乐,亦预其二,其余二乐也未必渺不可得。那么还在没有理由的希望些什么?终究无法猜度。就在此时白石出场了。她戴着眼镜,齐眉的头发,格子小裙,她张开口,说道:"重新开始了"。我站在夜间的操场上,看到看台上隐约的一对依偎着的男女,思想着迎娶白石并杀死她的种种无聊计划。夏天已经快到了,我的头发越来越长不可收拾。回到屋中面对屏幕时,白石又喃喃的说:"该修剪一下了吧"。
后: 观夫白石在作品中所御的男子,形容猥琐者不乏其人。而犹御之,更增我的慨叹之情。夫东夷岛民,既无田横之义,又乏乘桴之志。拘于狭地,自然难成伟器。博物志曰:东方少阳,其人佼好。而东则东矣,未至于越海而东。班固又云:东夷天性柔顺,异于三方之外。则不过朝鲜四郡。诗简兮之思美人也则西,淇奥之赞君子也则淇。东方尚且无预,弹丸蛮邦,逐臭之夫,又何足论?况远离王道熏化,生而卑鄙,不亦宜乎?白石数奇,生不逢地,本佳人而从于贼。我固不能以贤贤易色,有女绝色如此竟无贤委其身体,寄其生世。每念及此,未尝不为之叹息。江统曰:"非我族类,其心必异。"而不知情之所钟,正在我辈耶?白石姑娘生而异族,心为形役,形为事役,无缘有道。我徒呼悲夫亦于事无益。惟顾视屏幕,不妻而感,意颇自得耳。又何须动如脱兔(当街疯舞者也)静如处子(矫情作态者也)的知识女青年们来慰吾怀?彼等逐时尚,炫衣饰;标举文化,自诩精英;居家观"韩如潮"(此"韩"非昌黎公,乃韩国悲情剧集也)出门扮"欧如谰"(此"欧"非文忠公,乃欧美小资情调也)人前或冰清玉润,知书合礼;身后则近亲远怨,谣诼蜂起;以御男为能事,视钱权作丈夫;故俗臭滋生,灵性殆尽,实不值一哂也。或闻白石之职业,咸以为卑贱,莫不鸣鼓而攻之。无知狡童随声应和,俨然一派人人皆为圣贤的气象。日本鬼子的性乱逐渐成为笑柄。而知识青年们忽略了自己的祖先们在两千多年前就搞起了国营妓院。首创之功,自不可没;历史规模,又远陵夷狄。只是五千年来肉欲横流的真相被伟君子们包裹起来--从卫郑之风到禁毁小说,一脉相承的淫乱史使人乱花迷眼。试发其一端,乱伦也(虽周初即有同姓不婚之习俗,而齐风鸡鸣,南山,刺襄公也,鸟兽之行,淫乎其妹。卫宣公通庶母夷姜,夺子妻宣姜。吕后,傅太后之所谓重亲也。王公皇族开风气于前,平头百姓效尤于后。故汉律订罪乱伦曰"禽兽行",唐律订罪乱伦曰"内乱"。而玄宗依旧内乱不止,足见此风难禁);兽交也(汉宣帝时济北王终吉故事"或昼日使裸伏,犬马交接,终吉观,产子,辄曰'乱不可知'");奸尸也(元代和尚杨琏喜伽"喜于僵尸淫媾");"父死子继"也(魏武魏文故事。卞后曰鼠狗不食汝余,死故应尔。又有汉昭武帝刘聪与汉隐帝刘桀故事);"兄终弟及"也(呼韩邪单于,株 单于故事);上阵母女也(武后,太平公主故事);虐足也(三寸金莲);虐乳也(杨玉环之发明"珂子");虐阴也(明冯惟敬作《双调水仙子》咏曰:"麝兰香正点花穴道,选良时,真个烧"云云);男宠也(贾后故事);借种也(赵飞燕故事);食人也(年轻女人被称作"不羡羊"谓其味美。女人乳房被称作"想肉"谓其可回味想念;石邃好妆饰美姬,斩其首洗血置盘上。与宾客传观之,又烹其肉共食之);同性恋也(汉高,汉惠之藉孺,宏孺;汉文之邓通;汉武之韩嫣,李延年;汉哀之董贤。上有弥子暇宠于卫君,龙阳君幸于卫王;下有阮籍咏怀,张翰赋诗。一以贯之,此道可谓盛哉。清者或曰不登娈童之床,不入季女之室。娈童季女,本一属类也明矣);性狂人也(公孙穆之属);大阴人也(嫪毐之属。"毐以其阴关铜轮而行");宣淫也(日南有裸女,群行觅丈夫,其状皛且白,裸袒无衣襦);观淫也(南汉刘鋹之"大体双");舐痈也(邓通故事);饮尿也(潘金莲故事);白日共浴也(李卓吾故事);婚内强奸也(《虫鸣漫录》载一男子扮强盗强奸自己妻子);人妖也(哀帝建平中,豫章有男子,化为女子,嫁为人妇,生一子);COSPLAY也(石虎置女太史,以女骑为卤薄,游宴以自随;五代何光远《鉴戒录》载蜀人呼营妓为女校书;名妓薛涛也COS女校书)等等怪态横出,枚不胜举。又不知东宫密园,平康北里的深处还隐藏着多少风流韵事。大哉性之为用又关乎天人之际,古今之变。或有应于上苍则星孛频现,日月变异,山崩地震,水旱为灾。帝王公卿莫不审之。故昌邑淫乱,霍光废之;海西公阳痿,桓温废之。天人感应如此,作为中华瑞兽的蛟龙自然也难甘寂寞,值雷电晦冥,择其目标。交合刘媪于大泽之陂,鸡奸老翁于田陇之上(此翁乃纪昀舅父家一佃户)。均播云雨,恩泽老少;倡蟲斯之意,宏兽交之法。流风所及,感化猪狗(史载公元前二十年左右,狗与彘交。公元前一百五十三年二月,邯郸亦出现狗与彘交的妙事)。龙的传人们见此还不收声敛容掩面而走,却仍以讥讽他人为快,贤者观之,无不窃笑尔。故知膺惩戎狄,自非此辈竖子之所堪。而竟诡称礼法,闻色色变,恍恍乎仿佛不知人间之有性事。义旗既张,声色俱厉,而审乎己身,惟讷于言而敏于行也--或藏身于自习室偷欢,或张胆于寝室尽兴;偶遇派发保险套则疯抢,每逢播放A片则必观;含哺而熙,鼓腹而游;内无怨女,外无旷夫。昔者钻穴相窥,逾墙相从人且贱之。今则我武维扬,堂而皇之。礼崩乐坏,此之谓也。而忝然以新青年性解放为脱辞。裁割理论,择其利己者而采之,其不利己者而委之。礼固不为彼辈设,又居然君子淑女,文质彬彬,谤讪他人。人之无耻,不过于此。平心而论,饮食男女本不足怪,"王如好色"且"与百姓同之"。奈何淫欲既炽,不啻夷狄,而汲汲于陷人自明,不亦甚乎?纵有逾于礼者,譬如食痂,刘 既好之,孟灵休则诒之。惊怪可矣,而何罪之有至于挞伐者也?又何必此一时嗜痂无已,独恨体弱技穷难得爽利,惟盼或可偷师一二,以逞床第之淫威;彼一时则郁郁乎文哉,反以言语侵辱同道,过河拆桥,不亦鄙乎?
况日本鬼子固然除去善于淫巧,长于用短之外,似乎再无是处.可是古云:愚者千虑必有一得。彼辈挟亿愚之众,千亿之虑,亦不世而出英才--芥川龙之介也,三岛由纪夫也,伊藤润二也,伊头鬼作也,杀手阿一也,山村贞子也,桂正和也,北野武也,而此辈尽第二流之高者。第一流的白石绝色独立,妍皮不裹痴骨,不更胜彼一筹耶?庾信咏曰:白石仙人芋,青林隐士松。信乎其然也。白石静女其姝,坐而巧笑。遐观则玉山将崩,迩睹则眉目含情。灵石化形降于尘凡,与那"不肯修升天之道"的白石先生(神仙传卷二)不正有异曲同功之韵吗?或许今天白石真的已然羽化而去,可她终究留下了许多缘份。在这些许的缘念之中,她断不能料想的到竟还有人与她隔海相望一同叹息过,当她如清风月影般逝去,斯人亦身处冠盖京华,隐机而作,仰天而嘘。倘若使她知道,她一定便会又露出瓠樨般的虎牙,粘粘的笑了吧?于戏,世事变幻白云苍狗,非白石之与,其谁与哉?
行文至此,想起当年孙兴公和庾公同游白石山(水经注曰:江水又东南泾剡溪,与白石山水会,山上有瀑布,悬水三十丈,下注浦阳江。临海记曰:白石之山,望之如雪,山有湖,传云金鹅之所集,八桂之所植。苏峻乱时陶侃军队初到石头城修筑的白石垒疑与其相关)时卫君长也在座。孙兴公说:此子神情都不关山水,而能作文。而此时我的作文之意已尽。窗外风雨又作。翻开书本见到金斯堡的一首俳句,特录于下,并藉此作为记念白石的结束。
侧过头望去
我的身后爬满 盛开鲜花 就在我身旁 在空气中 扑鼻芬芳 我不知道这些花儿 叫什么名字 因为此刻 我的花园已不存在 站在门廊 穿短裤 雨中汽车闪烁灯光...
NEVERM!NDNEVERM!ND
Author: NIRVANA
Title: Nevermind
Year: 1991
Kind: grunge
Label: Geffen
"Nevermind": not to think to us. In effects, when it is put for before turns this disc in the stereo, the feeling is had not to have thought null of bond in the own life. "Nevermind" is something more than a disc. It is anger, restlessness, pain, atrocious pain. The all riassumibile in the first second ones of the first trace, "Smells Like Teen Spirit", perhaps the known piece rock more of years 90. But we go with order.
Nirvana is al they according to disc, after the promising debut of "Bleach" for the label Indian Sub POP Supported gives already asserts colleagues to you Sonic Youth, enters nell' orbit della Geffen, in flood was grunge. After two years from "Bleach", Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl (become in the meantime fixed drummer of the band) give to the press "Nevermind". An hour of simple pieces technically, transforms to you in capolavori of the rock from the tremolante, rauca and afraid voice of Cobain. It cannot be said that Nirvana is of the optimal musicians, but that renders still more difficult to explain because they have had much happening. The feelings that this disc offers to the listener that immedesimi in the anger of Cobain they are impossible to write. We said, the four agreements of "Smells Like Teen Spirit". Four agreements, exactly, but vomita you in a turbulent vent that the rullate ones of Grohl support in perfect way. Alternating itself of the strofa, melodica, to ritornello a symbol of the generational calvary of the first years 90 ("With the lights out it' s less dangerous/ Here we to are now, entertain us/ feel stupid and contagious/ the Here we to are now, entertain us/ To mulatto/ An albino To mosquito/ My Libido") constitutes one of the more moving points of the album. The text is nearly non-sense, but by now it does not import what says Cobain, imports as it says it. Finally, the assolo, that it embroiders the melodica line of the voice, played indeed with heart.
If it is remained upset from the cyclone "Smells Like Teen Spirit", after least moments of truce it begins an other capolavoro: "In Bloom". Tremendous, fantastic. The first words, mormorate on a turn of low depressed laconico and, are the better rappresentazione of the uneasiness than Cobain ("Sell the kids for food/ weather changes moods/ Spring is to here again/ reproductive glands"). And then the assolo acidissimo, and the ritornello, with that urlo that it introduces one melodia simple, memorizzabile and nearly epica.
But the pain is not alone anger. To remember it to us it is "Come As You Are", melancholic depression with a bottom turn that is already legend. The mania of Cobain to come to an agreement the instruments average tone under the normal scale finds one here valid explanation: it seems nothing, but the piece straniante sound like not never. It is reached therefore, between a feedback and an other, to "Breed": piece loaded with adrenalin, the battery of Grohl remembers one schiacciasassi! To jump on the bed is nearly of obligation. Between urla and schitarrate of inspiration punk, "Breed" accompanies us towards "Lithium", goddesses pieces more than succeeded dell' album (that it has sold 10 million copies). "Lithium" is nearly a mix between the melodie of "Come As You Are" and the ritornelli rabid of "In Bloom", a piece that it has had (and) large has happened above all between fan the more young people of Nirvana, so-called "Generation X", than with the time has reduced the figure of Cobain to feticcio and symbol to expose on flags and t-shirt, often ignoring its message of uneasiness, expressed in its purity in "Polly". "Polly" is the most banal piece, a simple turn of agreements on acoustic guitar, but the decisive force of the voice of Cobain is felt here. The piece is nearly cantautorale, and the great infuences of crooner the American ones in the musical formation of Kurt are noticed here. Nirvana will render homage to bluesman the Leadbelly in their concert "MTV Unplugged in New York" with one terrifying version of "Where Did You Sleep Last Night".
If "Polly" rilassa the listener, tried from the wall of sound of previous pieces, is little time in order to resume the forces. Trace seven begins parodiando a song hippie of the years 60 ("Get Together"), but then it explodes in a tremendous one urlo: that one of "Territorial Pissings". The punk played from Nirvana. Magnificent, a botta in head of forehead to which it is decidedly impossible to remain firm to watch the stereo. It must move. Music of Nirvana has here the maximum expression of that Cobain defined "physical music". Ollowing itself of traces like "Drain You" (nearly glad, loved from the leader of band) and "the Lounge Act" not ago that to repeat the concept of a disc that extends the simple notes of which it is composed and candid from endured to being a generational manifesto. "Drain You" contains also a part more "experiences them", on the falsariga of the dissonances of the Sonic Youth. "Lounge Act" is distinguished instead for the contribution of Novoselic, become celebre for the simple and immediate turns of bottom.
It is arrived to "Stay Away". Other great piece, than could be defined "from pogo", if never it had only been played from the alive one. Here Grohl gives the best of himself. It is approached to us the end, introduced from "On To Plain". To the end of this last one there are of complains that preludono to the last trace, immense. We are arrives to you. Two notes, one acoustic guitar, nient' other. "Something In The Way". Difficult to describe this song. Creed that the text, that I consider to its way a poetry, can speak alone: "Underneath the bridge/ The tarp has sprung to leak/ And the animals I' ve trapped/ Have all become my pets/ And I' m living off of grass/ And the drippings from the ceiling/ But it' s ok to eat fish/ Causes they haven' t any feelings/ Something in the way".
This is how much. Cobain narrates the days that has passed under a bridge, hunted of house and in preda one sconforto unimaginable. After 10 minuteren of Hush, the ghost-track. A recording of guitars torn to pieces and destroyed in study, with tremendous distortions. "Endless, Nameless" is the title appropriated it this "composition" (?!?). Nearly seven minuteren of urla wild and tremendous dissonances. Anger to the pure state.
The disc is ended. But it is difficult to believe it truly, many are the emotions that remain. Not creed at all that "Nevermind" is "a dated" disc, like someone defines it. And not creed neanche that the merits of Nirvana must be sminuiti because of their mercificazione and the reduction of the figure of Cobain to idolo generational. It is difficult to analyze the work of the band extracting it from the mitizzante context that the suicide of Kurt Cobain has contributed to make to create from the industry of the disc. But to listen to "Nevermind" without having in the orecchie chiacchiere of that wheel today around to Nirvana can still make to discover strong feelings to listeners gets passionate you of "physical music". |
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